On Tyler Clementi’s Birthday

I rarely mention my birthday on social media. However, I’m making an exception for this birthday. It was hugely momentous, and felt unlike any I’d experienced before.

I turned 60. Sixty. The big 6-0!

Far from feeling ‘old’, I brimmed with a joy and happiness that even surprised me.

Being happy isn’t particularly unusual. I’m generally a happy person, even when parts of my life get a little tough. But something happened in the lead up to this birthday that put me over the top.

While thinking about potential restaurant options for my celebratory dinner with my partner, I took a moment to look back on my life; to reflect on the journey it took to reach this milestone.

In so doing, it all of a sudden hit me that this ‘kid from Cleveland’ hadn’t simply achieved his childhood dreams. He’d achieved them, created new dreams, then achieved those as well.

I’m currently on my third or fourth set of dreams, and fully realize that I’ve been truly blessed with a life beyond my wildest dreams.

This was NOT the reality of my teenage years. I felt trapped… desperate. I struggled with wanting to make true connections with others, wanting to be ‘out’ and open about my sexuality, and wanting to be accepted and loved.

There were times I wondered if I would ever get through the pain of it all. And it was sometimes agonizing.  But I finally managed to get to the other side so that I could become the man I am today.

Tyler Clementi wasn’t so lucky. He took his own life after his roommate set up a webcam to film and broadcast Tyler being intimate with a man he had met online. He felt humiliated and ridiculed within his newfound life at Rutgers University.
Tyler was only 18 years old.

I never knew Tyler, but we share the same birthday. I think of my fellow Sagittarian every year. His story, like that of many other LGBTQ youth, is heartbreaking. There are so many things that I wish I could tell him.

I wish I could tell him that it would have all been okay in the end. That even though it felt immensely humiliating, he would survive whatever shame he felt. That he would ultimately find love and acceptance. That he would come out of that horrific intrusion into his life a stronger person, and would eventually thrive.

That, ultimately, his life would end up being better than he could ever have imagined. I wish I could, but I can’t.

The world is a lesser place without Tyler, and he’s dearly missed by his family and close friends. They created the Tyler Clementi Foundation to help “end online and offline bullying in schools, workplaces and faith communities to honor the legacy of Tyler Clementi”.

If so moved, feel free to make a donation. If you know any LGBTQ youths in your life, love and support them.  Let them know that they are okay just as they are, and that they deserve all the happiness that the world has to give.

If they are struggling, please tell them what I wish I could have told Tyler:
“Please! Don’t give up before the miracle.”