![\"Trayvon](\"https:\/\/www.kevware.com\/geek\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/11\/racism.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nMy friends can attest to the fact that I’m a passionate guy about various topics, and love a good conversation\/debate of ideas. This weekend, however, a standard-issue conversation on “the gay thing” devolved into a frustrating discussion on race that tested the limits of both my patience and my temperament.<\/p>\n
The participant was white, and approximately the same age as me. It began innocuously enough with \u201cWhen did you know\u2026?\u201d which is totally okay with me. If we\u2019re ever going to move forward with a greater understanding of and empathy for LGBT issues, it will come from these types of exchanges. I honestly don\u2019t mind.<\/p>\n
Our talk continued along the usual arc of how I don\u2019t look (or act) like a typical gay guy. For what it\u2019s worth, this always cracks me up. I may not wear dresses and sing Judy Garland, but trust me: I\u2019m pretty gay. They continued by saying that sometimes when they see an overly-effeminate guy in public, they think, “Why do they have to act like that?”<\/p>\n
My jaw tightened a bit before I recalled that I also viewed effeminate gays in a negative light back when I was younger. I felt like they made it harder for other gays like me. I did so until I realized that a bigoted homophobe, bent on attacking a gay guy, would make no distinction between me and someone who was more obviously gay.<\/p>\n
They might see an easier target (depending on their weapon of choice), but to use the vernacular, I would be deemed just as much of “a f**king fag” as a more effeminate guy.<\/p>\n
I relayed this from my perspective as a gay man who dealt with his own internalized homophobia, but it didn\u2019t register. They countered with their personal philosophy that we should all try to represent whatever group to which we are a part to the rest of the world in the best way we can. To their way of thinking, a flamboyant gay guy is a bad thing because it hurts the gay rights cause.<\/p>\n
This is a deeply-flawed slippery slope that bugs me because of the inherent onus it puts on the victim to act in a way so as not to be bashed or killed. In simple terms, it\u2019s like saying that Matthew Shepherd might still be alive if he\u2019d been \u201ca little more butch.\u201d WRONG!<\/p>\n
To debunk this errant thinking, I related it to my experiences as a black man. For years I labored under the assumption that if I proved myself to be beyond reproach, I would be treated differently (read better) than others before me. Eventually though, I realized that I was mistaken. No matter what schools I\u2019ve attended, no matter what positions I\u2019ve held, I was shown time and again that I was still just a scary black man in many situations.<\/p>\n
(I wrote and choreographed a dance about this realization that became one of my defining moments as an artist. If time allows, please take a moment to view the video.[No Proof\/No Apology<\/a>])<\/p>\n The other person found that truth hard to believe, but acknowledged that it wasn’t their reality. I followed up with personal stories of having white women walk by me in broad daylight on busy streets<\/i>, acting petrified as though I was going to rob them. I also mentioned the topical news stories of the outrageous racial profiling at Barney’s and Macy’s, and many others\u2026because there are so many others.<\/p>\n Once again they pushed back with vague “statistics” about the high percentage of Blacks convicted of crimes like theft, to which I immediately countered with the fact that Blacks are much more likely to be prosecuted (and more harshly) for the same crimes as whites.<\/p>\n Frankly, I was getting annoyed. When someone is so utterly determined to bring up counter-examples to my excruciatingly real first-person experiences, it feels like they don’t “get it” and they don’t want to “get it”.<\/p>\n Finally, I pulled out what should have been the ultimate trump card: the tragic and senseless killing of Trayvon Martin. As you may know, Martin was a black teen killed on his way home by a wannabe-vigilante after purchasing tea and Skittles. My feelings on this case are clear (murder). And my horror at the killer\u2019s “Not guilty” verdict is documented in a piece I wrote afterward as I feared for the life of my nephew and other young black men like him. [The Reason Why Trayvon Martin\u2019s Death (and Zimmerman\u2019s Acquittal) Are So Personal<\/a>]<\/p>\n I steadfastly believe that Trayvon was targeted by his killer, George Zimmerman, because he was a young black kid wearing a menacing, thug-type hoodie, clearly looking for trouble in a neighborhood where he didn\u2019t belong. And anyone who disputes that Trayvon was targeted because of his race should take a look at this social experiment<\/a>.<\/p>\n The reactions of passersby was filmed as they encountered two teens, one white and one black, trying to steal a bike in a public park. Please notice the quick escalation of animus aimed at the black teen, but not the white one. I actually began to fear for the actor\u2019s safety. This is our reality as Blacks in America.<\/p>\n Back to the conversation\u2026 By this time, I\u2019d hoped to pull together all of the pieces of the puzzle, including my personal experiences, in order to help them understand that it doesn\u2019t matter how well you represent yourself if someone is bigoted, racist, and expects the worse from you because of your skin color. It did not.<\/p>\n In fact, they went on to say: “Well Trayvon wasn’t exactly a saint. Zimmerman was an asshole who should be in jail, and Trayvon shouldn\u2019t have died that night. But he definitely should have been in jail for all the stuff he stole.” The audacity of the statement, and its’ complete detachment from the reality of Trayvon’s killing, stunned me into silence. I\u2019d reached my breaking point. Simply put, I was done!<\/p>\n We talked a little longer. I brought up the killing of a handcuffed Oscar Grant on a Bart platform (they thought he was killed while brandishing a weapon), and re-reiterated that Trayvon was killed on his way home (they were unaware of that fact), but I knew in my heart that there was nothing more to be gained by this discussion.<\/p>\n The other person genuinely believes, as many whites probably do, that they aren\u2019t racist. But when you put conditions on your acceptance of a member of a different race, and believe only the narratives that support your point of view that those particular racial groups are more prone to criminal behavior than others, the bottom line says otherwise.<\/p>\n Many of us have racist beliefs, but it\u2019s our own responsibility to do the internal work and soul searching to overcome them: not find ways to support them with false narratives. It\u2019s not my job, nor the job of any other black male, to make you feel safe about being around me because of the color of my skin.<\/p>\n There have been calls on the national level for frank conversations on race. If that ever happens, I pray to God that they go better than mine from this past weekend!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Homophobia, Racism, and the Misguided Response to the Death of an Unarmed Teen My friends can attest to the fact that I’m a passionate guy about various topics, and love a good conversation\/debate of ideas. This weekend, however, a standard-issue conversation on “the gay thing” devolved into a frustrating discussion on race that tested the … [Read more…]<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[81,80,82],"class_list":{"0":"entry","1":"post","2":"publish","3":"author-admin","4":"post-300","6":"format-standard","7":"category-general-stuff","8":"post_tag-homophobia","9":"post_tag-racism","10":"post_tag-trayvon-martin"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kevware.com\/geek\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/300","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kevware.com\/geek\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kevware.com\/geek\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kevware.com\/geek\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kevware.com\/geek\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.kevware.com\/geek\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/300\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":302,"href":"https:\/\/www.kevware.com\/geek\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/300\/revisions\/302"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kevware.com\/geek\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kevware.com\/geek\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kevware.com\/geek\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}